Dumb Fashion Things That I Like
One of the things I love most about Fashion People is the way they will unabashedly defend some really bad stuff just because it's been sent down a catwalk. The typical go-to lines they like to use include "it's art" (if you don't 'get' it then go off to read Heat Magazine like the uncultured peasant you are!) and "it's so conceptual!" What does it even mean?
I'm not even going to touch on catwalk stunts here because, to be fair to Rick Owens' misfired attempt to glamourise the hell out of 69ing and the humble fireman's carry, fashion shows are all about generating brand awareness. I reiterate: contrary to popular opinion, Fashion Week is not about selling clothes. It's about selling dreams. And if you want Fashion People to see your brand as edgy, cool and current, there is no better way to do that than by forcing your models to simulate oral sex on the catwalk.
So, when I refer to Dumb Fashion Things I Like, I'm talking about all the slightly weird, largely impractical stuff that fashion editors shove onto the shopping pages of magazines, knowing full well that their readers will lap it up and keep the advertisers happy. Despite being openly cynical about fashion, frequently going through phases of declaring I am 'over' shopping (lol), and rolling my eyes at handbags that cost more than my yearly income working in retail, the fashion industry remains fascinating to me. There are definitely days when I get tired of being patronised by people who think I'm superficial and dense because I'm interested in clothes, and it's pretty boring when I say that I like writing about fashion that people tend to think I write articles entitled 'Top 10 Sun Hats to Wear This Summer' and '3 Rad Ways to Wear a Wrap Skirt That You Never Thought of Before... OMG'. Sometimes I decide I want to go back to school and try to carve out a career in dermatology, or just stay in Reeth forever and marry a farmer and plunge my energy into a smallholding or another provincial whim. But at the end of the day I don't know what I'd do without fashion in my life.
Here are some dumb fashion things that I like.
You know when you have a massive spot on your forehead and you apply loads of red lipstick in an attempt to draw people's attention away from the spot? I feel like Dion Lee's SS16 face jewellery – or any eccentric 'accessory' on the catwalk in general – serves as a similar distraction technique, but for hiding boring clothes instead of spots. Regardless, I am a big fan of this look, which basically says, "I am too glam to eat, drink or use my facial muscles." So. Fashion.
I was in two minds about posting this because I really don't understand why Phoebe Philo decided to take mink (ew) and dye it baby blue when she could have just conjured up some fun faux fur to line these sandals with. In principle, however, these babies have the potential to be the comfiest shoes in the land. I've seen cheaper faux fur alternatives elsewhere, tbh, and I am just using this picture because it was Céline's SS13 collection, after all, that sparked the trend for weird trans-seasonal footwear.
Prior to last year, I would never have classed massive costume earrings as a 'dumb fashion thing'. I like wearing them with the most basic of outfits and pretending I'm Edie Sedgwick loafing about her New York apartment on a Sunday. Excessive earrings are the epitome of tacky glamour. However, today they make the list because one of my pairs of super-sized ASOS earrings once tore my earlobes a bit and I got some sort of infection from the cheapo metal. I'll continue to wear them, though, because what is style without pain?
The Charlotte Simone 'Huggy' is beautiful, a bit daft and pretty impractical so, naturally, I fell in love with it immediately. The Huggy is described online as a "versatile snood", so you can obviously wear it around your neck like any other snood, but this one is superbly stretchy and seems to be best worn over the shoulders. This sort of fluffy upper-arm constriction automatically makes the Huggy very chic – like all of the best fashion pieces, it looks cute, makes women feel slightly inhibited and costs £350! ***Adds to mental wishlist***